Living with Adult ADHD can feel like a constant tug-of-war between a person’s best intentions and the reality of how their brain works. For couples, this can create a cycle of misunderstandings, frustration, and emotional distance. But Adult ADHD doesn’t have to define your relationship in this way. With the right tools and support, you can reconnect and thrive together, harnessing the superpowers of both your unique brains..
The Challenges You Both Feel
“I forgot … again.”
ADHD partners often feel deep guilt over forgotten commitments or misplaced items, while their partner can feel unimportant or dismissed.
“Why did you do that?
Impulsive decisions—like overspending or blurting out hurtful words—can leave one partner cleaning up the mess and the other feeling ashamed.
“I can’t find anything!”
Disorganisation can overwhelm both partners, creating tension and a sense of chaos in the home.
“Why are you so angry?”
Emotional outbursts or shutting down can feel like rejection to one partner, while the ADHD partner feels trapped in their own emotional storm.
“You’re always late.”
Chronic lateness or time blindness can make one partner feel stressed and undervalued, while the ADHD partner battles feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy.
“Parenting is so hard with you.“
Adult ADHD can make balancing fun and discipline tricky, leaving one partner exhausted and the other feeling criticised.
“We’re always fighting.”
The internal chaos of ADHD often spills into the relationship, creating cycles of miscommunication and emotional storms.
What ADHD Partners Want You to Know
ADHD isn’t about not caring—it’s about struggling to keep up. Many ADHD partners feel immense shame and frustration because they do care deeply but often feel like they’re failing. This isn’t narcissism or selfishness; it’s a brain that’s wired differently. Understanding this distinction can help both partners approach challenges with empathy and compassion.
There’s Hope for Your Relationship
Rebuilding trust and connection is possible. With education, maybe medication, therapy, and structured strategies, you can break the cycle of frustration and rediscover the love and joy in your relationship. ADHD doesn’t have to be a barrier—it can actually be a wonderful bridge to deeper understanding and growth.
Need a little bit of help with all of that?
I am Tess Reilly-Browne and I am a trauma informed relationship therapist who loves working with Adult ADHD, especially in relationship.
Book a free 15 minute zoom chat with me today.
You might also like to book some relationship counselling with me or join my support group along with other couples dealing with the same challenges.
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