When Rejection Feels Like a Punch in the Gut (Even When It’s Not)
Picture this: You’re having a perfectly normal conversation with your partner. Maybe you’re talking about dinner plans or whose turn it is to clean the bathroom. Then, out of nowhere, one of you says something that lands like a grenade.
BOOM!
Suddenly, someone’s feelings are hurt, voices are raised (or worse, someone goes completely silent), and you’re both left wondering, “What just happened?”
Welcome to the sneaky world of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). It’s like an uninvited guest at your relationship party—one that flips the table over and storms out before dessert is even served.
What Is RSD, and Why Does It Feel So Intense?
RSD is a fancy term for feeling really hurt by even the tiniest hint of rejection or criticism. And when I say “hurt,” I mean it can feel like a full-body, emotional gut-punch. It’s not just “ouch, that stung a little.” It’s more like, “I’m a terrible person, my partner doesn’t love me, and I’m going to go live in a cave forever.”
For people with ADHD, RSD is a common (and exhausting) companion. It’s like your brain has a hypersensitive radar for rejection—even when none actually exists. Your partner could say, “Hey, did you mean to leave the milk out?” and your brain hears, “You’re the worst human alive, and I can’t believe I’m stuck with you.”
How RSD Sneaks Into Your Relationship
Here’s the tricky part: RSD doesn’t just affect the person experiencing it. It’s like a ripple effect that can leave both partners feeling confused, hurt, and disconnected.
- For the person with RSD: It’s like your emotions are a runaway train. One minute, you’re fine. The next, you’re spiraling into self-doubt, anger, or sadness because of something your partner said (or didn’t say).
- For the partner: It can feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You’re left thinking, “What did I say? How did we get here?!”
The worst part? Neither of you wants this to happen. It’s not about blame or bad intentions—it’s about understanding what’s really going on beneath the surface.
So, What Can You Do About It?
The good news? You’re not doomed to live in this cycle forever. Here are some simple, and yet surprisingly effective, ways to tackle RSD together:
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Hit Pause
When emotions start to flare, take a breather. Literally. Step back, take a few deep breaths, and remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. -
Name It to Tame It
Sometimes, just saying, “Sorry, I think RSD just hijacked me!” can take the sting out of the moment. It’s like calling out the uninvited guest and showing them the door. Maybe even give your RSD a name, so it’s like, “Sorry, Mabel just hijacked me!” -
Laugh About It (When You Can)
Humor is a powerful tool. If you can, find a way to laugh about the invasiveness of RSD. “Oh, I think we are in a threesome with RSD again!” -
Tap It Out
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), or tapping, can be a game-changer. It’s a simple, research-backed way to calm your nervous system and process those big feelings. Bonus: You can do it together, and it works more quickly for both of you. -
Be Kind to Yourselves
RSD isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s just a part of the ADHD package. The more you can approach it with kindness and curiosity (instead of blame or shame), the easier it will be to navigate.
Why This Matters
At the end of the day, RSD doesn’t have to be the villain in your love story. With a little understanding, a lot of patience, and maybe even some humor, you can turn those “BOOM” moments into opportunities to grow closer.
If you’re ready to kick RSD out of your relationship for good, let’s chat. Book a free 15-minute consultation with me, and let’s figure out how to make your relationship feel safe, connected, and a lot more rejection-proof.
You’ve both got this … one little change together at a time.
