RadicalACCEPTANCE, RadicalRESPONSIBILITY and RadicalLOVE …

Who thought counselling could be so RADICAL?

Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility, and Radical Love – All three are challenges brought to the forefront of our awareness by major life detours.

All three, are also essential ingredients of radically life changing therapy.

Let me explain.

 

 

Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance is about FIRST accepting exactly where you are at. That also means accepting what you, and others, may or may not have done, to bring you to this place.

Us humans are not good at accepting, or of letting go of the past, that brought us to this moment. We often cling to it with regret and bitterness, desperately trying to rewrite history. As if we could!

Do we actually have any choice other than radical acceptance of what is?

I’m not meaning acceptance from a place of hopelessness or disempowerment. Quite the opposite, it is a truly empowered place.

Radical Acceptance is an essential ingredient of creating radical change in your life.

It holds no blame, shame, guilt or punishment – for ourselves, or anyone else. It is the releasing of those strong protective emotions that brings us to a place of radical acceptance.

That often involves a journey of grief, and / or, processing trauma. Something else we can really struggle with. So rather than accepting our situation we can get stuck in loops of rumination, castigation and blame – anything that valiantly tries to rewrite history. All to no avail of course, bar extending our own suffering.

But please don’t confuse Radical Acceptance with Toxic Positivity – the latter is a refusal to see reality, the former is seeing it in all its kaleidoscope  of conflicting emotions.

Dr Tara Brach PhD, from her Buddhist philosophical viewpoint, wrote a book on Radical Acceptance published in 2003.

 

 

Radical Responsibility

Only with true acceptance of a situation, and ourselves, can full responsibility be taken – these two radicals obviously go hand in hand.

Radical responsibility is the empowering action that comes from radical acceptance of our imperfect selves, in our imperfect situations.

This part of the therapeutic journey can really challenge those with an external locus of control, where they see themselves as the perpetual victim. Whilst this world view might temporarily protect them from blame, it does not allow them to be fully in charge of themselves, or their lives.

Dr Viktor Frankl wrote on this topic from his lived experience of the Holocaust.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

Radical Responsibility allows us to truly embrace life, giving our all to be the best version of ourselves, no matter the circumstances.

 

Fleet Maull PhD wrote about “becoming an unstoppable force for good” in his book Radical Responsibility written from his own lived experience.

 

 

Radical Love

Integral to both radical acceptance and radical responsibility, is learning to love radically. Loving oneself first, in turn, allows us to have radical love for others. Another way of saying this, would be to have Radical Compassion for yourself, and others, which Tara Brach has also written a book on.

This does not mean loving endlessly on an abuser, hoping that they might change. That would not be radical acceptance of the reality that your love will not change them. Only their personal journey of radical acceptance, radical responsibility and radical love, will create that change.

Radical Love also requires radical responsibility to maintain respectful boundaries with those who do not have the three radicals of acceptance, responsibility and love. Radical Love must start with the self to be a perpetual force. Loving only on others, would mean we would soon become depleted.

Living your life through these three tenets creates an instant empowering calm – a guide that you can return to every single day, and moment that challenges you. It’s like your life compass – directing you to peace, contentment, and a life well lived.

Want to give it a try?

You could read up more on these three … or book in for some counselling with a therapist with whom you connect, to guide you.

Whichever you choose …

I wish you a life full of Radical Acceptance, Radical Responsibility and Radical Love …

you are worthy of this.

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