A deeply personal reflection … it’s only fair I be vulnerable, if I am inviting my clients to do so.
The life that led me to become the therapist I am today feels like a distant blur—a different time, a different me.
Thank goodness!
I knew very little about mental illness until my third year of marriage. I had a little baby boy and another on the way when, seemingly out of the blue, my husband came sobbing to me, clinging to my legs, begging me to take him to the doctor. Of course, there had been signs—LOTS of red flags—but I hadn’t known to look for them. I had been taught not to ‘complain’ and to just get on with life.
So began my own mental health journey, as I supported my husband (and endured his abuse) through 21 years of shifting diagnoses that mirrored the ever-changing ground beneath my feet—his depression, bipolar disorder, narcissistic traits, and paranoia—all diagnosed by psychiatrists at different times.
Now, as an experienced therapist with a Master’s Degree, I believe childhood trauma and Adult ADHD best describe the mental health journey we went on together, with four children in tow. Too often, our lives were ruled by his mental health issues and my desperate, clumsy, and co-dependent efforts to manage them as they escalated over time.
My personal therapeutic journey of self-exploration and self-care only began once I was free of his chaos—a traumatic era in and of itself, involving years of police involvement and protracted court cases.
By this time, I was suffering from complex post-traumatic stress symptoms (though I didn’t know it by that name back then—I just knew how it felt). Through my own therapy, I began to understand how childhood emotional neglect had played a pivotal role in my challenges. My childhood had been shaped by tending to my mother’s anxieties and insecurities in a perfectly co-dependent way, desperately trying to be ‘good enough’. This led me to tolerate the intolerable and find the behaviours of Adult ADHD so familiar.
I had so much to undo—so much pain, anger, limiting beliefs, guilt, and years of not feeling good enough. Not to mention a relentless internal critic that demanded perfectionism and denied my own feelings and needs.
It was a long, slow journey, one that my practiced extroversion and subjugation of feelings tried to hide from the world. I wish I had know to allow myself more therapy—deeper, kinder, more compassionate somatic therapy – but to the world I was coping. Now, I strive to provide nurturing therapy for others on their own mental health journeys. Of course, there is still the ongoing pain of the trauma my children have carried transgenerationally.
It always surprises me when people expect their therapist to have never faced their own trauma and mental health challenges. I sadly have psychiatrist and psychologist clients who feel ashamed of their struggles. But do we demand that doctors never get sick? That they operate on themselves? That would be absurd and dangerous, wouldn’t it?
I believe you should only trust a therapist who has done their own therapy and is willing to continue seeking support as life unfolds. My healing therapeutic presence in my clients’ lives is the silver lining of my own therapeutic journey. It’s a daily reminder and a gift I get to share, as it informs my work and presence.
To all those in the midst of their own mental health challenges—keep going. There are many walking beside you, and there are silver linings to be woven.
Are you emotionally brave enough to take the first step on your own healing journey? Whether you’re navigating the challenges of trauma, Adult ADHD, or relationship struggles, therapy can help you find your silver lining.
Book an appointment with me, Tess Reilly-Browne, today and discover how trauma-informed therapy can support you in creating a life of emotional safety, connection, and fulfilment.
