What about toxic, manipulative, emotionally abusive, covert controlling, narcissistic relationships?
The short answer is NO … well … sort of!
Counselling is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It’s more about who it is helpful for and how it can help. As a trauma-informed relationship therapist, I am deeply passionate about helping people create healthier, happier, and more fulfilling relationships. But let’s be honest—there are some relationships that counselling cannot save.
The Reality of Toxic Relationships
While I strive to provide healing therapy for every client who books with me, not every client appreciates my approach. Why? Because I call out toxic behaviors and hold people accountable for their actions. My focus is on creating healthier relationships, not putting bandaids on toxic dynamics.
For clients who genuinely want to break free from toxic patterns, my therapeutic approach can be transformative. However, for those who use manipulative or abusive tactics to control their partner, therapy often becomes just another tool of manipulation. These clients resist accountability, and when I shine a light on their toxic behaviors, they often turn their frustration toward me.
Why Some Clients Resist Change
Emotionally immature clients often double down on their toxic behaviours rather than embracing change. Relationship Counselling is not the right space for these rigid personality types to evolve, as it can be too damaging for their partner, who is already suffering. These clients require long-term, specialised therapy, and even then, there’s no guarantee of change.
While I empathise with the pain and trauma that may have shaped these wounded personalities, my priority has to be to protect the safety and well-being of the other parties in my counselling room – their partners and children. Someone has to be brave enough to say …
“This is not OK.”
The Courage to Speak Up
Calling out toxic behaviours is not easy even for therapists. It often puts a target on my back, as troubled and often manipulative clients lash out from their anger with threats and smear campaigns. I see it as part of my job description to stand up for the disempowered partners and children caught in these toxic dynamics.
Most new clients are surprised by how quickly I can identify toxic patterns—often within the first few sessions. These red flags are hard to miss when you’ve worked with as many clients as I have.
Support for Those Leaving Toxic Relationships
Leaving a toxic relationship is not the end of the struggle. In many cases, the abuse escalates when the relationship ends. That’s why I run a support group for those leaving emotionally immature, toxic relationships. This group provides a safe space for individuals to regain their voice and rebuild their lives.
If you’re feeling trapped in a toxic relationship or struggling to navigate the aftermath of leaving one, know that you’re not alone. Counselling can help you create a healthier relationship with yourself, empowering you to set boundaries and never tolerate abuse again.
Let’s explore how therapy and the support group can nurture you in building the life and relationships you deserve.
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