Am I Codependent? A Gentle Questionnaire

Are you giving from love, or giving from fear? This questionnaire might help you find out.

Codependency isn’t a diagnosis, and it isn’t a character flaw. It’s a pattern of connecting, one where you’ve become very good at meeting the needs of others, often by quietly putting your own feelings and needs aside, in the hope of receiving some love in return.

If you’ve found your way here, chances are you’re the one in your relationship who does the noticing, the worrying, the smoothing over and the holding together. That’s a beautiful capacity. The question this questionnaire asks is simply: is it costing you yourself?

Don’t sweat the answers too much. There’s no pass or fail, we’re just getting an overall view. Grab a cuppa, take a breath, and answer as honestly as you can. Nobody is going to see this but you (and me, if you’d like to talk it through).

The questionnaire is in two parts:

• Part One is about you, the giving, over-functioning partner. These are the questions most people who research codependency recognise in themselves.
• Part Two is about the dance between you: what your partner does, and what has quietly become ’normal’ in your relationship.

If you’d like a little background first, this blog on codependency is a good place to start.

Loving someone shouldn’t require abandoning yourself.