What is Somatic Therapy and How It Can Transform Relationships

Navigating the complexities of relationships can be challenging, especially when past traumas or attachment wounds come into play. Traditional talk therapy often focuses on communication and problem-solving, but what happens when emotions run so high that words fail? This is where somatic therapy, grounded in Stephen Porges’s Polyvagal Theory and supported by research into Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT), offers a transformative approach.

Somatic therapy works with the body and mind together, recognising that our nervous system plays a crucial role in how we process emotions, connect with others, and communicate effectively. By understanding and regulating our nervous system, we can create a safe space for healing, compassion, and empathy—essential ingredients for healthy relationships.

The Role of the Nervous System in Relationships

Stephen Porges’s Polyvagal Theory provides a framework for understanding how our nervous system responds to stress and connection. According to this theory, we operate within three primary states:

Ventral Vagal State: This is the state of safety, and calm connection. When we are in this state, we can access our brain’s rational frontal lobe, which allows us to empathise, communicate effectively, and problem-solve.
Sympathetic State: Often referred to as the “fight or flight” response, this state is activated when we perceive a threat. It can lead to heightened emotions, defensiveness and avoidance, creating conflict in relationships. (Helpful Hint: That threat can simply be a change in tone of your partner’s voice!)
Dorsal Vagal State: This is the “freeze” or shutdown response, where we may feel disconnected, overwhelmed, or numb.

When we are emotionally dysregulated—stuck in either the sympathetic or dorsal vagal states—our ability to communicate is compromised. Research shows that the Broca’s area, the part of the brain responsible for speech, becomes less accessible during these states. This is why traditional couples talk therapy can sometimes feel ineffective when emotions are running high without addressing nervous system regulation.

How Somatic Therapy Helps

Somatic Therapy focuses on calming the body and restoring balance through nervous system regulation. One of the most effective tools for this is deep diaphragmatic breathing, which activates the ventral vagal state. By calming the nervous system, we can shift out of fight, flight, or freeze and into a state where we can access our rational brain and communicate more effectively.

In my practice, I integrate somatic techniques like diaphragmatic breathing with EFT (Tapping), a trauma-informed approach that combines tapping on acupressure points with cognitive reframing. EFT has been extensively researched and shown to be effective in reducing symptoms of complex PTSD (cPTSD) and healing attachment wounds. For example, studies by Dr. Peta Stapleton have demonstrated that EFT can calm the amygdala, the brain’s fear centre, and help reconstruct maladaptive neural circuits.

Why Somatic Therapy is Essential for Relationship Counselling

Traditional couples therapy often focuses on communication techniques, but these can fall short when one or both partners are emotionally dysregulated. Without addressing the underlying nervous system states, it can be nearly impossible to foster genuine empathy or compassion. Somatic therapy, on the other hand, creates a foundation of safety and regulation, allowing deeper emotional work to take place.

Here’s how I incorporate Somatic Therapy into relationship counselling:

Awareness of Nervous System States: I help clients identify which state they are in—ventral vagal, sympathetic, or dorsal vagal—and understand how this impacts their emotions and behaviours.
Regulation Techniques: Using tools like diaphragmatic breathing and EFT, I guide clients in calming their nervous system. This not only helps them feel more grounded but also enables them to access their rational brain for meaningful communication.
Creating Compassion and Empathy: Using these techniques in session allows couples to better empathise with their partner and approach difficult conversations with compassion. This accelerates the therapeutic process while ensuring it remains safe and supportive. It also provides a framework for the couple to negotiate difficult conversations out of the counselling room.

The Science Behind EFT and Somatic Therapy

EFT is supported by a growing body of research. Functional MRI (fMRI) studies have shown that tapping on specific acupressure points can calm the amygdala and reduce cortisol levels, the stress hormone. This makes EFT particularly effective for addressing trauma and attachment wounds, which often underlie relationship challenges.

Additionally, somatic therapy aligns with the latest neuroscience, which emphasises the importance of body-based approaches in trauma recovery. By working with the nervous system, we can bypass the limitations of talk therapy and create lasting change.

A Faster, Safer Path to Healing

One of the most rewarding aspects of using somatic therapy in relationship counselling is seeing how quickly clients can move from conflict to connection. By addressing the root causes of emotional dysregulation, we can create a space where both partners feel heard, valued, and loved—sometimes for the first time in their relationship.

If you’re ready to explore how somatic therapy can transform your relationship, I invite you to book a session. Together, we can create a safe and supportive environment for healing and growth.

Like to Learn More?

Stephen Porges and Polyvagal Theory

Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.

Porges, S. W. (2017). The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory: The Transformative Power of Feeling Safe. W.W. Norton & Company.

Dr. Peta Stapleton and EFT Research

Stapleton, P. (2019). The Science Behind Tapping: A Proven Stress Management Technique for the Mind and Body. Hay House.

Stapleton, P., Bannatyne, A., Urzi, K. C., Porter, B., & Sheldon, T. (2019). “Tapping for PTSD: A Pilot Study of the Effects of Emotional Freedom Techniques on Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Symptoms in Veterans.” Energy Psychology: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 11(2), 1–10.

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT)

Church, D., & Brooks, A. J. (2014). “The Effect of EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) on Psychological Symptoms in Healthcare Workers: A Randomized Controlled Trial.” Energy Psychology: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 6(2), 23–30.

Feinstein, D. (2012). “Acupoint Stimulation in Treating Psychological Disorders: Evidence of Efficacy.” Review of General Psychology, 16(4), 364–380.